Matt’s Top-5 Films of 2022

Now that 2022 has drawn to a close, here are my top 5 films of the year.

The Empty Man is full of ideas

The Empty Man is an anomaly. This movie probably shouldn’t exist. In fact, to the majority of people, it may not. I had never heard a single word about the film, seen a single image. Perhaps it was fate that destined me to use that Vudu discount code that was about to expire on this film, after scrolling and saying “What is this? A horror movie? It’s new? It was released by DISNEY? How have I not heard of this?” and clicking BUY. I have now viewed the film, and in many ways, I’m still not exactly sure what it is.

Vox Lux – A Star Is Forlorn

Vox Lux is like a pot luck. There are many different parts all laid out together on a table. You can sample all of them, some are better than the others, but you can’t focus on just the good ones too much, because you need to get a little of everything. Then you see that Frank from accounting took all the good food and all you are left with in the end are the brussel sprouts. Now, moving on from an analogy I made solely because “Vox Lux” sounds sort of, maybe, a little bit like “pot luck”…

Vox Lux is broken into multiple parts. For simplicity’s sake, there are two chunks. The first half of the movie is young Celeste and the second half is older Celeste. The young Celeste section focuses on the start of her career as a pop act. The second concerns a seasoned pop star Celeste doing big concert in her hometown.
These chunks are split further into acts, but the change between those isn’t as drastic. If you are a step ahead of me then you already realized what I’m about to tell you: Natalie Portman isn’t in half of this movie. She enters at the 50 minute mark. But more about that later.

Horrorween: Day 1 – Hell Fest

Back again with this year’s installment of Horrorween, when I try to watch at least 1 horror movie each day for the month of October. I will be reviewing one film a day as I watch them. I promise this time, I will do it. Last year, Blood Diner just sorta broke me. (Also I got lazy.)
Kicking things off for 2018, I went to see a new theatrical release: Hell Fest.

We begin with Natalie (Amy Forsyth) making a trip home from college to see her best friend Brooke (Reign Edwards) during the Halloween season.  Brooke tells her that her and some friends got tickets to Hell Fest, a horror themed seasonal theme park.
Natalie is a little bummed out to see Taylor (Bex Taylor-Klaus) a girl she never got along with well is going as well, but convinced to go when she hears a guy she has a crush on will be there too. Also, a guy sneaks into Hell Fest and kills people. That’s the entire plot. Our little group of friends get picked off for the next 90 minutes.

Best F(r)iends Vol 1. – Oh, hi Tommy. I didn’t know it was you.

After 15 years, Tommy Wiseau and Greg Sestero are back on the screen. After the massive world wide success of The Room making them household names, they have taken time to hang out with fans, present midnight screenings, and relax. But they’re back, baby. They’re back!

Best F(r)iends is penned by Sestero himself, and directed by Justin MacGregor (The Generations). Tommy stays firmly in front of the camera this time, allowing himself to focus solely on this performance. This is a very good thing, because Tommy is an all-American, big time movie actor.

Horrorween: Day 11 – Blood Diner

Blood Diner is a little film about two brothers who terroize people who stop in at their small truck stop diner, brutally killing them and serving them up to…oh wait, that’s what you would expect when you hear “Blood Diner”. That’s what you would expect if you thought you were getting a decent movie. You would be wrong…

Blood Diner opens with two young brothers, who are surprised as their Uncle runs in to their house, knife in hand, covered in blood. He talks to them about cooking or some shit and runs outside to be shot by police, as he had just stabbed a bunch of people somewhere. Cue opening credits.

Horrorween: Day 10 – The Autopsy of Jane Doe

A father and son coroner team (Played by Brian Cox and Emile Hersch) have a strange, unidentified corpse brought into their morgue. The woman was found in a house where an entire family was murdered, and has no external signs of a cause of death.  Soon they begin their autopsy, and as they proceed they continue to find strange and unexplainable things about the body. Not long after, dark and unnatural occurances start to haunt the two men as they try to piece togehter the puzzle of this Jane Doe’s history.

Horrorween: Day 9 – Starry Eyes

Born out of a Kickstarter campaign, Starry Eyes is a film that has flown under the radar of most, but been noticed and appreciated by a lot of horror diehards (and perhaps was even the #1 horror film of the year on yours truely’s list). Through it’s use of body horror and paranoia, it has a lot of commentaries on Hollywood and the film industry that are especially relevant today.

Sarah Walker (Alex Essoe) is a waitress at a hooter style resturant by day and an aspiring actress by night. She lives in apartment building with a group of friends, most of them trying for the same dream as her. One day Sara responds to a casting call from a very old studio named Astraeus Pictures which, should she land it, could be her break out part. After fearing she lost the part, Sarah goes into the bathroom and has a melt down, ripping out chunks of her hair and cracking her neck as if punishing herself (yeah, she some issues before shit even starts going down). One of he casting directors happens to notice her doing this, and suddenly they have more interest in her.

Horrorween: Day 8 – Stake Land II: The Stakelander

Six years after the release of Stake Land, a surprise announcement came that a sequel had been shot and was going to premiere on Syfy channel. Now, this might be worrisome, as Syfy’s original films are usually…not amazing…but with Nick Damici back as writer, and he and Connor Paolo back to star, it seemed promising. The big question was whether it would live up to the first film.

Six years have passed since the end of the first film, Martin (Connor Paolo) lives up in Canada in New Eden. He has made a life for himself, getting married and having a child. However tragedy strikes as the religious cult, The Brotherhood, attacks New Eden, led by a new vampire called “Mother”.  After his family is brutally murdered and New Eden is burned to the ground at the hands of The Brotherhood, Martin heads south in attempt to find Mister (Nick Damici) and get vengence for his family.

Horrorween: Day 7 – Stake Land

After 5 solid days of Phantasm, it’s time to switch gears into something more somber and emotional. This film slipped out during the height of the Twilight hysterial and flew very much under the radar. Not sure why it was overlooked so much, maybe people weren’t really interested in this type of vampire at the time. It seems that now is the right time for a second look.

The film begins with a boy named Martin (Connor Paolo, Friend Request), whose family is brutally murdered by vampires. Luckily, a grizzled older man (Nick Damici, Late Phases) rescues him and takes him under his wing. The man (Mister, as Martin calls him) ends up to be a vampire hunter, and he begins to train Martin as his apprentice.